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Final score of four ranked teams against four unranked teams Thursday night: 212-20 (even before the Boise St. game is over). So much for parity…
As excited as I was for this evening, I can’t help but feel depressed with a bad case of football blue balls. Let’s hope Saturday brings us some better action.
PS Speaking of parity (or lack thereof), I don’t think there’s any other school in the country who has more disgusting guys (Exhibit A above) for incredibly hot girls than LSU.
Dear Brett,
Please don’t come back this year. I have the utmost respect for you, and I thank you for delivering another Super Bowl to my fellow Green Bay fans, but I just don’t think it’s good for anyone that you come back for the sole purpose of breaking Marino’s records… Leave them alone Brett. Danny broke those records in the ordinary course of playing football; it’s just not going to mean the same thing when you do it this year. (Plus, Peyton is going to break them all in a few years anyways).
I know you feel like you can still play ball, but the truth is, you really haven’t been very good since you got rid of your braces. Ohh, I remember those days well; you running around like a little child so joyous, smiling with your hands in the air, looking like you had a mouthful of Cheetos. But it wasn’t Cheetos, Brett, it was just your braces. I miss the braces days, Brett. That was when you were a winner.
Anyways, I wish I could write more, but I have to go fix my tractor… My sister/wife broke it while having sex on it with Uncle Earl. You know how that goes, right Brett? Stupid whore. Well anyways, please don’t hesitate to write back. I love you.
- Joe M.
# 1 Packers Fan
Apparently, white trash Mets’ fan Matt Murphy had the opportunity to sell home run ball number 756 for $500,000, but he chose to pass it up, in favor of auctioning off the ball with a starting bid of $100,000. It appears he has made the wrong decision, as the bid price for the ball is hardly being upped. Lots of ‘experts’ are now saying the ball will stay well before $500,000. Oops.
Isn’t this the same guy who said he was going to keep the ball for his own personal interest? Greedy fool.
Jennifer Walcott, the girlfriend of Chicago Bear’s white defender Adam Archuleta, has had a MySpace stalker quite some time (I know, I know, MySpace, stalking, who would’ve thunk?). But yeah, here are some of the messages that he sent to her via MySpace:
“WHEN I FIND OUT WHERE YOU LIVE IM GONNA GET YOU, THIS IS BARELY THE BEGINNING, THIS ISN’T OVER,” he wrote in one note, prosecutors said.
In another, Diaz allegedly tells Walcott she better learn how to protect herself.
“TIME FOR YOU TO SUFFER, LEARN HOW TO FIGHT WHITE GIRL BECAUSE WHEN WE FIND OUT WHERE YOU LIVE WERE GONNA GET YOU AND THE REST OF YOU PIGS” he wrote, according to prosecutors.
Psyyyyychoooooo.
Effin’ A though, props to Archuleta. Being a white football player rocks!
Pardon the dramatic title, but it’s just not looking good for Chris Simms, and unless he somehow throws 24 touchdowns tonight, I foresee his run with the Bucs (and shortly thereafter, his NFL career) being over. Could it be that he’s currently fourth on the depth chart behind Jeff Garcia, Luke McCown, and Bruce Gradkowski, or just that he sucks?
Coach Gruden was quoted:
“We’re going to try to keep our best players, so I won’t say we wouldn’t do that,” [Jon] Gruden said. “We’re going to keep our best players, and certainly we’ve got some good quarterbacks.
“There’s a lot that goes into it. Not a lot of teams keep four. Some teams only keep two. We have some tough decisions to make, and we’ll make them.”
…
Because the Bucs have a lot invested in the 6-foot-4, 220-pound Simms - they signed him in the offseason to a two-year extension that included $5-million in guarantees - they could keep him around a few weeks to see if they can get leverage on a team that loses a quarterback to injury.
I’ve never been a big fan of quarterbacks who essentially enter the league and have everything fall right into place based solely on the name on the back of their jersey, so this isn’t coming as a shock to me.
… and not crazy in the sense that they are true, die hard fans; crazy in the sense that they are mentally incapacitated. I really don’t want to write too much about the guy below, for fear that he will haunt my nightmares for the rest of my life.
Jenna Jameson thwarts off MMA fighter Tito Ortiz’s attempts to be his dinner.
Porn Stars + MMA Fights = awesome.
For those who missed it last night, ESPN2 cameras zoomed in on John Madden at Yankee Stadium just as the game was entering the 8th inning. The play-by-play guys left us with an awkward pause for a good 7 seconds until Madden woke up.
Don’t worry Madden, we feel your pain. But don’t worry, football season starts tonight.
Oops! How dumb do you feel when it’s not even halftime yet and you’ve been burned on at least four occasions (that I can remember) and you still have a message shaved into the back of your head calling out the guy who has just made you look like a fool? Very dumb, that’s how much. When I saw this on Monday night, I literally had to rewind my Tivo eight times. I pity the fool.
So you're probably coming to Ballsiest today thinking "this looks and feels different". Here's the deal: basically, I got sick of the look of the old Ballsiest and tired of solely writing about sports.
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