Look out LeBron, pretty soon any of us beer-guzzling, nonathletic dirtballs will be giving you a run for your money. With these Z-coil spring shoes, I envision mandatory segmentations in the NBA, because of all of the talent flowing into the league within the next five years, with no room for everyone.

Actually, now that I think about it, there was a douche bag I went to high school with who wore shoes very similar to this, because he thought it would add a few inches to his game. I’ve had conversations about this kid with numerous people, and I’ve found that most of my friends too had one douche in their high schools who wore these shoes around.

And of course, there was Jimmy from Seinfeld, whom George had a major hardon for. But he was a bad ass in his shoes.