Do yourself a favor and pay close attention to this post, because I will save you some extra cheddar.

This weekend was movie weekend for me, and when I say I wasted five hours of my life and $10 on movie rentals, I mean, ummm, that I wasted five hours of my life and $10 on movie rentals. (I fucked up setting that one up).

First of all, it took me 20 minutes at Blockbuster to find something that could’ve possibly been worth watching. How is all this money being spent on so many bad movies? 98% of new releases are absolutely unwatchable.

Friday night was Pirates of the Caribbean III. If you’re into heavy British accents with indecipherable dialogue, the sound of 12 million cannons firing, 20 minute awful fight scenes, and Johnny Depp acting like an annoying, pesky little prick, then this movie is for you! Backing up, I actually enjoyed the first of these movies so much that I saw the second one in the theaters. If I had a glock that night, my brain would still be splattered on the back of the theater’s wall. However, as boring as the movie was, I thought "okay, I’m going to give Part III a chance." I went into it with an open mind, and kind of liked the first 10 minutes of the movie, but after that, it was pure torture. I’m talking like bamboo up the fingernails type of torture. Don’t waste your money.

Last night was Fast Food Nation. I knew going into it that no matter what I saw, I wasn’t trading in my carnivorous appetite for a leaf-eating lifestyle, but I was looking forward to learning interesting facts about the food packaging industry. I can’t even explain how bad this movie was. Somehow, they turned a fast food/meat packaging industry documentary into a fictional movie about Mexican immigrants. On the plus side, we got to see some nice little tight boobies for about five seconds. Almost on the plus side, Bruce Willis appeared in it for a few minutes, with promises of beating the shit out of people who didn’t go his way, but sadly, that was the last we saw of Bruce. The movie could’ve totally redeemed itself by having Bruce kill the entire cast at the end. But as it was, this movie was hell. Please don’t see it. I don’t read books, but from what I hear, the book that this movie was based on was interesting. So if you’re the reading type, pick up the book and never waste your time and money on this awful flick.