I’m off to opening day. I’m going to have to limit my beer intake before the game, because I envision the hot dogs I am about to consume coming up around the third inning when I catch glance of all two tons of the “Manatees” for the first time. I will try to take video and images with my camera phone of the behemoths for your viewing pleasure tomorrow. I literally just got the chills as I typed that, and not the good chills you get while taking a dump occasionally, these were really, really, really bad chills.

R.I.P. Harry.

Most people aren’t as familiar with Kenyatta Jones as I am. You may recognize his name for his short stint with the New England Patriots. I recognize his name for his various run-ins with the law. Now, he can add another incident to his sheet…

From SportsByBrooks:

The incident happened around 3:30 a.m. outside a bar at International Plaza, according to Tampa police spokeswoman Janelle McGregor.

“Jones was standing on the dance floor at the Blue Martini nightclub when he attempted to urinate on the dance floor,” McGregor said.

I can’t remember a funnier mugshot/crime in quite some time. Excellent work, Kenyatta Jones.

I thought I heard last year the Rays were folding, or something. I guess not. Regardless, here’s a Rays coach you’ve never heard of in the bullpen having sex with his chair. I don’t know why this is relevant or important in any way (or why someone was at a Rays game for that matter), but sexual relations by sports figures with inanimate objects is always grounds for a post on Ballsiest.

In 2000, NBA baller Malik Sealy was driving home from former teammate KG’s birthday party, when a man named Souksangouane Phengsene hit him head on, while hammered and driving down the wrong side of the road, killing Sealy. Phengsene was sentenced to four years in prison, and shockingly made it even four more years of top of that before he ended up behind bars again. Early Sunday morning, this dirtbag was nabbed for DWI, once again. Apparently, vehicular manslaughter with hammered wasn’t enough for this guy…

Issues like these always make me wonder “how is this guy living in the same society as I am?” It’s unbelievable to think that I am driving on the same streets as people like this. Would anyone truly be opposed to a general fire squad being called upon once a month to rid the streets of dirt like this guy? Someone start getting some signatures…

I’m intrigued by the idea of trick shots turning otherwise boring sports to watch like bowling and billiards into somewhat watchable programming on ESPN.

My apologies for the lack of updates. I had family (pet) issues last week, and things didn’t turn out how I would’ve liked for them to, so it’s been a really tough week/weekend for me. I’ll try and post some goodies today, but if I’m a bit slow in the upcoming days/weeks, you know why. Don’t stop coming back to Ballsiest, though, because I will be back in the swing of things eventually.

Okay, well not really, but just watch the video and enjoy it. I don’t want to tell you the truth, because it will only hurt you.

Great news! You never have to worry about trouble ensuing from drinking in public ever again! Canoflauge is a reusable sheet, modeled after real soda brands, that fit perfectly around your favorite 12 ounce brewski.

Hey man, what are you drinking?

I can’t say this is the dumbest idea I’ve ever heard, because I can actually see how it might be useful.

Here’s Ken Page, 17 year old, 4 star, offensive linemen Clemson recruit, hold a wad of $20 bills. Pretty shady, right?

From Brahsome:

This pic was on Clemson recruit Kenneth Page’s Myspace page and it came down about as quickly as it went up. As some of you know he was a huge 4 star OL football recruit
this past year and it came down to Clemson and UNC where [UNC] lost out on signing day.

He must have been working hard this winter.

$20’s, though? This kid needs to broaden his horizons. Next time, get Pete Carroll on the phone, and he’ll holding a pile of Benjamins like that. Mansions, fast cars, and high class hookers, man. These highschoolers have no business sense. Supply and demand people.