Holy hell, that cruise went by entirely too fast. I feel like I just left, and here I am, five days later, 10 pounds fatter. The cruise was f*cking awesome. The Bahamas (from what I vaguely remember) kicked ass. A gay guy in Key West didn’t appreciate my asking of him how to get somewhere. In his words:

I am not your pillar of information here to answer all your questions. You are classless and tasteless.

He sucked, but he had the sweet gay handlebar mustache and shaved head, for which he earned some brownie points.

Allow me to give everyone a serious recommendation for future reference. If you are ever planning a cruise, make sure to plan it around the University of Florida and Florida State’s spring breaks. The girls were smokin’ hot, but the guys were the epitome of douche bags. They clogged and fogged the casino and had enough hair gel to set the ship ablaze 50 times. Again, the girls were hot as could be, but I honestly don’t know if it was worth it to have to deal with the douche baggery of the assholes 24 hours a day.

So it was beautiful timing that just after spending five days with Semenholes and Gaytors, I come back to hear about this story, of a University of Florida cheerleader who faked police reports of someone stalking her, apparently for attention:

Blurb:

Lauren Beard, 20, was charged with the misdemeanor after reportedly telling University of Florida Police that someone had been sending her e-mails and instant messages claiming to know her routine, to be following her and watching her. UPD Detective Amanda Spurlin said Beard admitted she sent the cyber messages to herself after turning in another e-mail to police. “This started on Feb. 12 when she told us she had received two messages,” Spurlin said. Investigators said Beard, who lives in an off-campus apartment, brought in a fifth e-mail to police on Monday and was arrested after admitting she had sent them to herself.

“We were able to trace this through an IP address,” Spurlin said. “These were sent from an AOL account. Anybody could have used her computer, but she did tell us that she sent these.”

Hahahahahahahahaha.