As a kid, I loved beauty pageants. I’m speaking of days before the Internet, when porn wasn’t easily available, and you had to have vivid imaginations so you could remember all hotties when you spanked it two hours later in your bedroom. Oh, that was just me? Well, then, anyways, for the second year in a row, Miss USA fell down at the Miss Universe competition, and for the second year in a row, I missed it. Damn.
Check out [insert Italian soccer player’s name you’ve never heard of] enjoying his offseason with, um, God, I hate life.
I think I’m becoming such a pussy whipped douche monkey lately, that I would rather attend a soccer match in Europe, just to look at ass like this, than go to game 98 of 162 in any team’s MLB season.
Normally, I say that I would never touch a streaker if I were a security guard, but I’ve just made an exception.
