It’s been long overdue for me to get serious proppage to ESPN for figuring out a way to incorporate MC fucking Hammer in their most recent commercial. One can only hope they find a way to include Vanilla Ice circa 1991 doing live play-by-play in an upcoming season. I think my head would explode with excitement.
Meet Brandon Crawford, the 32 year old defensive end for YOUR Ball State (haha, ball…) Cardinals. Considering I still have four years of collegiate eligibility left, I’ve decided to start shooting up some serious ‘roids, then trying out for a bull shit team immediately after the ‘roids are no longer detectable in my system. Oh, and just as I was typing this post, I saw Ball State’s running back, named MiQuale. I’m really hoping this is a various of the name Michael. Dammit, never mind, it’s pronounced the way it’s spelled.
I can’t be the only person nauseated at all the coverage of Josh Hamilton, can I? If Josh Hamilton has taught kids anything, it is:
1. Get good at baseball.
2. Self inflict harm on yourself by doing coke daily.
3. Stop doing coke daily.
4. Get good at baseball again.
5. Voila.
Realistically, you don’t even need to be that good of a baseball player; you just need to be pretty good, because relatively speaking, any production on the field by a recovering coke head is a tremendous accomplishment. Anyways, you’re welcome for the free advice. Good luck pulling it off.
Today was almost one of those non-posting days, as I just got my ass kicked by a practice Florida Bar Exam, and I am in the mood to do nothing but sleep, bone, or get hammered. That is, until I learned that Jaguar’s psuedo-WR, Matt Jones, was arrested in Arkansas for something related to drugs. Then, even better, I come online only to find out that ex-Gaytor, Teddy Dupay, has been arrested for allegedly beating and raping some chick. There’s only one thing I like more than athlete mug shots, and that is Florida Gaytor athlete mugshots. And honestly, could it have happened to anyone funnier than Teddy Dupay, notorious for gambling allegations in college? No. I love it.
